The Gift of Singlehood

If you have ever wondered what singlehood truly means, you are not alone. If you have ever wondered still what that period is meant to achieve in your life, you may want to read this a little more intently.

So, other than the absence of someone to share the good and maybe some bad times with, that significant other like we often call it, singlehood holds no tangible meaning to most people out there. Maybe even someone reading this right now.

The tenacity with which most young people are trying to escape that very crucial season of their lives even before due time makes one wonder if there was a curse attached to singlehood. The despair is often evident in the attendant coldness when a young person has to admit that there’s no partner in their lives. As though to put it to you that they are yet missing something, or that they are incomplete.

Wait, just before you start to think I am anti-relationship or anti-marriage, let me assure you that as an energetic, ambitious, forward-looking, godly, but the seriously single young man that I am, I have had my own fair share of this personal pressure too. In fact, I wake up to some every now and then. Not to mention friends and family I have to deal with as my journey progresses. So trust me, I know.

But singlehood has a purpose and it is pertinent that we unravel this mystery if we must make good on this precious gift. One piece of scripture I have found particularly instructive is found in Deuteronomy 32:30, and it has shaped the basis of my discipline and convictions as a single young man. It says “…one should chase a thousand, and two put ten thousand to flight”. Although the context of this scripture does not speak about relationships or marriage as you may notice if you read on. But it provides for whoever is looking, a piece of wisdom to run with.

A friend once said and I quote “you have no business trying to chase Ten Thousand with someone when you haven’t chased your thousand yet”. You will fail, or become a burden to one who has mastered the art of chasing and subduing their thousand. The best you’ll create is an imbalance in that relationship if you do go into it.

So singlehood is a time for work. It is an opportunity to hone in on your God-given assignment. A time to discover what your life is about as it is written in the volume of the books, and receive strength and strategy to run. What God has called you to do with your life is enormous, and for the most part, instructions for that journey is received in your days of singlehood. Primarily because distractions and the weight of commitment to pleasing another are not there yet.

Paul puts it thus in 1 Corinthians 7:33 and I paraphrase “But he who is married cares about the things of the world — how he may please his wife.” And she who is married cares about the things of the world — how she may please her husband”. But was Paul saying the unmarried should stay that way so they don’t have to share their attention with their spouses? Not necessarily. I personally believe Paul was addressing an issue of a level of diligence that must be attained while unmarried because marriage will of necessity put a demand on it.

And permit me to pinch it where it hurts a little bit; that matter of approval or validation you don’t settle in the place of fellowship with the Holy Ghost as a single young person, will hardly ever be sorted by a partner. Marriage is only a revealer of all that a man or a woman truly is. Simply put, if you take the time to do the work on yourself, marriage becomes about the work God would have you and your partner do.

So I say to you; singlehood is a gift, not a burden. It is a blessing, not a curse as many have tried to make it look. And there’s one more thing that singlehood is not; It is not a license for careless living. “It is good for the man to bear the yoke while he is still young”. So says Lamentations 3:27. But permit me to add “while he or she as the case may be, is still single. Your capacity to take responsibility for a wife, a husband, or a child is foundationally built in your single days if you cared to do your homework.

But singlehood isn’t just about preparation for marriage, is it? What about the kingdoms of this world that must become the kingdoms of our God by the commitments you make to plow the fields in your days of singlehood? Now, I understand that two shall have a better reward for their labor, but you cannot speak about reward if there’s no labor in place. So, let me ask you; what kingdom labor have you discovered as a single young person?

Adam could only be trusted with a help-meet when God realized that he needed help with the work already entrusted to him. And same goes for Eve; there would have been no need to introduce her to a man if she wasn’t adequately formed to be that support system he needed. And for you and I today, I am not necessarily speaking perfection. In fact, if you hear me clearly, I am only speaking to a depth of responsibility we must arrive at while the demands of life are somewhat less.

So I’d like to wrap up here with a question: Why are you single?

If you are because of the absence of a ring on your finger, then you haven’t given due attention to your most precious partner, the Holy Spirit. Because you see, staying married to him is the key to staying committed to every single instruction he gives, and thus a physical marital home if he so bids you establish one someday.

Again I ask; why are you single?

Shalom!

Biyama Joseph

#TheInfluencer